Saying Sorry

I always find it hard to identify mistakes, say sorry and move on to fix things! The first step of that is still easy. Atleast in my head, I somehow know when I go wrong but it gets hard to be convincingly outspoken about my own mistakes. I tend to drag the conversation until I realize I need to take a step back and say sorry. The next step of saying sorry recently got ever more bulkier for me to do. So much that the lady I was talking to had to suggest me to search how to say sorry. So, here is my output of that effort I took on her feedback:

Saying sorry is hard

We all make mistakes from time to time and nobody is perfect so learning how to give an effective apology is a useful tool. We fear that admitting mistakes would make us look smaller in everyone’s eyes. We also feel that it could dethrone us from an imaginary situation of power. We have an ego to protect.

Apologizing does not demean

While it is easy for a cooled down mind to visualize that saying sorry has so many benefits compared, it gets difficult to think so in a heated discussion. We start to feel that we would be demeaned if we say sorry and it gets a blocker to discuss anything ahead since it is necessary to rebuild trust. Sorry is just the first step to open up and discuss the things bothering us. It has an amazing healing effect of repairing a strained relationship.

The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest…

The act of saying sorry

One Liner phrase: State Facts, Feelings, Regret, Improve.

Regret

Regret is important to start an apology, it conveys a behaviour to acknowledge the pain, disappointment and inconvenience caused and has empathy towards the person hearing. This puts an onus of owning up to the mistake and takes the blame except for complete responsibility on what happened. In the consequences of actions for an apology to be effective, a blame game should not get started.

Excuses

Making excuses is natural to want for the actions when apologizing yet it may come off as insincere. On the other hand by taking responsibility without making excuses one is likely to gain respect and forgiveness from the person apologizing to.

Offering Remedies

Offering a way to make up for the damage caused can be done in several ways such as promising not to do it again, by paying for any physical damage caused, etc. Although it remedies but it should be noted that remedying in itself does not alleviate the need to apologize.

Saying sorry is not so complex for many folks but having a mental framework could be helpful for others. The key point is to express regret. Intention and attitude can be translated non-verbally as well through eye contact facial expressions and body language. One can take some time to think about the last time we apologized to someone or someone else apologized to us! And was it effective?