Censoring Myself

I have been in India for almost three months and it feels like nothing has moved since the day I landed in the city. I had two main agendas post my arrival, one to secure my family immovables (health & wealth) and the second to explore the concept of marriage in a bit more depth. But a few other things changed. I’ll only mention the things that changed.

I have been writing about myself and every other thing that I could get think of like a drunkard keeps shouting in the corner of some traffic signal. I have felt utter peace after coming to my home. I was soo confused about whether to do this or not. Constantly thinking about whether this is the best thing to do, but after a lot of pushing from friends and family, I think I made the very right decision. Looking back, I feel I was on the verge of going permanently crazy. So, first thing is that I finally met peace to some degree.

I had a choice to stay in Singapore in the comfort of money and seclusion, but I chose the noise and clutter out of my will. I will live by it! - VA

Second thing is, I realized that my thoughts are so much in vain and meaningless that there are no two words to describe them. I would better keep it as clouds of thought than let it be my life’s driver! I do not want to live under extreme social pressure to do exactly as I wrote about. So, I reckoned with a necessity to loosen up myself. I think it’s time to censor my blogs and so I am following up on that. In past, I may have written about things that could be hurtful. So, please just ignore them.

Next, I saw that life is much more complicated and dependant on everyone around both physically close and with people in touch than I originally had thought. I was on my own in Singapore and did believe that relationships could be transactional. Sort of like, do as u r told and expect others to do as I tell them. I am coming out of it and embracing the chaos. Things do go sour, up and down, but in the end, I should be happy and not whine about it in public, because its my life and my own choices afterall. I do not like the feeling that I am bothering everyone with my life’s shittiness, especially when coming from my permanently written blogs.

A very nice festive season has just passed and I loved every moment of it. Bursting a few crackers, and taking holy dips added lots of missing colours in my life. It felt wonderful and I have no words to describe them. I have joy and content.